Thursday, 4 July 2013

Corsican opener proves a real roof-raiser

You wait all day for a bus and when it finally comes not only does it bring the world's greatest cycling race to its knees - quite literally - it also spells the end for a stuffed kangaroo.
They say a picture says a thousand words, and this priceless shot of the Orica-GreenEdge bus - complete with distraught driver and comedy prone stuffed marsupial mascot - wedged underneath the finish banner in Bastia, certainly falls into that category.
This wasn't the script for the Tour's first ever visit to Corsica, whose stunning natural beauty had been captured early on by a succession of aerial shots filmed, apparently, by drones (another first for the Grande Boucle).
Millions of Tour de France viewers worldwide were meant to marvel at the extraordinary cliff-top coastal town of Bonifacio and the turquoise waters lapping against the white sands of the beach at Paragnano, before recovering their senses in time for a ding-dong bunch sprint destined to see Mark Cavendish take his first ever yellow jersey.
In the end, what had been a rather routine stage was pulverised by something as prosaic as a cumbersome bus lacking the requisite clearance to fit under the finish gantry.
What made the driver think he could fit underneath will remain a mystery. The whole episode certainly recalled those old images of double-decker London buses having their roofs ripped off when trying to squeeze under a low tunnel.
It was a manoeuvre so embarrassing - or hilarious - that even Skippy couldn't keep upright.
With the peloton entering the business end of the stage, race organisers made the snap decision to bring the finish forward to the 3km-to-go banner - an odd decision given the alarming proximity of a roundabout.
The peloton suddenly surged into action - although the eventual winner, Marcel Kittel, said he never knew about the whole bus malarkey.
A series of pile-ups ensued, most notably one that brought down Peter Sagan, Cavendish, Alberto Contador and a cluster of other riders after Tony Martin hit the deck with such velocity to ensure he won't get a decent night's sleep for the next three weeks.
Those remaining gala sprinters who were meant to contest the first ever bunch finish since 1966 then fell one by one: Andre Greipel, with a puncture inside the final 3km, and Matt Goss, who came a cropper on the final bend (presumably in shame once hearing about the antics of his team's bus).
That left Kittel with a rather routine kick to the finish, the funky-haired 25-year-old roaring to a combination of yellow, green and white. It wasn't a bad turn around for a man whose explosive finishes were restricted to his bib shorts in last year's gastro-affected race.
Critics will say that Argos-Shimano can only win once the field has been decimated by high-speed crashes - remember John Degenkolb's victory in the Giro? - but Kittel will rightly revel in being the first rider to win a flat opening stage since fellow German Rudi Altig some 47 years ago.
Contador was rather ruffled at the finish, and even did his best Bradley Wiggins impression by taking a swing at a cameraman who nudged him on his scuffed shoulder. What's Spanish for c***?
To be fair, the stage's crashes didn't all stem from an unlikely bus-wedging incident. Moments before, Johnny Hoogerland got wrapped up in an advertising banner on the side of the road, while Ryder Hesjedal was caught out in an pointless small bunch spill towards the back of the pack.
More inauspicious was race favourite Chris Froome's tumble in the neutral zone when the Sky leader's pedal hit the curb and he was forced to change bikes after having an early taste of tarmac.
As for the heavily battered and bruised Tony Martin, OPQS directeur sportif said he looked "like he'd been hit by a bus". Which, in a way, he had.
Quote of the day: "Be proud, they say. Stand tall, they say. Look where it gets me..." The Orica-GreenEdge bus made such a splash that it soon had its own spoof Twitter account.
Stage two: Bastia to Ajaccio, 154km
There hasn't been such an early introduction of mountains in the Tour since 1992, where the San Sebastian prologue was followed by a foray into the Pyrenees. With four categorised climbs up for grabs, expect a fierce battle for the polka dot jersey - as well as some seriously scenic racing.
The climbs are hardly Alpine, but three in succession over the middle section of the race will be enough to distance the pure sprinters who, if they do manage to fight back on, will no doubt be shelled once again on the final Cat.3 ascent 11km from the finish in Ajaccio, the birthplace of Napoleon.
One thing is certain: Marcel Kittel will lose his yellow jersey.
The climbs should shed all the pure sprinters, but you'd expect Peter Sagan to be there at the finish - as long as the Incredible Hulk's recovered from that crash.
Perhaps Simon Gerrans will try and make amends for GreenEdge by repeating his Milan-San Remo skills from 2012? He'll just need his GreenEdge team-mates to, ahem, park the bus on the front of the pack ahead of the final climb and hey presto, Gerro could raise the roof in celebration.
Plat du Jour
If there's one place Homer Simpson would feel at home watching men in lycra, it's Corsica, where doughnuts are about as popular as deep fried Mars bars in Scotland.
While Homer might well salivate at the prospect of the small, round and sweet fritelli made with chestnut flour, he would perhaps let out a trademark "D'oh" should his doughnuts come filled - as is the local custom - with 'brocciu', a ricotta-style whey cheese produced with goat or ewe's milk.
The forests of inland Corsica are also filled with roaming wild boars and so it would be impolite not to savour some boar terrine or salami. If you know the right people, you could try the old Corsican classic of blackbird pate, which is said to be illegal (the locals use starlings instead).
A classic Sunday dish is 'stifatu' - kid and lamb marinated in white wine, stuffed with bacon and mushrooms, served with macaroni and covered with grated cheese.
Finally, if someone offers you a bowl of pasta with a 'crème aux oursins' (Corsica's famous sea urchins) you'd better politely decline: they are only edible from November to March.
Instead, order a local beer: Pietra amber beer is 6% and made from a mix of malt and chestnut flour. What's more, it's always in season. Cheers!

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